Navel Gazing

For the past couple months I have written in my blog. But not published. I have remedied that now. And after yesterday's run, I think I have my mojo back.

I ran 38 kilometres. Holy Moley. A year ago that was impossible. Two years ago, unthinkable. I have come a long long LONG ways. 

Part of me wants to qualify this run by saying. "well, it was just 10 and 1s. Repeated." But thank god a bigger part of me says, "Hell girl! You just ran further and BETTER than ever before! YESSSSSSSS."

This past year hasn't been easy. I often wonder how I got to the place i am at. Just by wandering. And now here I sit. Approaching 44 and single. And, missing my old life. But really, what was it anyway. It WAS. And now I AM. I need to move ahead. 

I think the past few months I have slipped into a funk that is horrible. I have held everyone off, and been very alone. I run. I teach my run class. I go to work. I am unhappy. 

Maybe its the time of year. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's me not being able to see my accomplishments. Maybe it's me only being able to see what I do not have.

I think the past few months I have slipped into a funk that is horrible. I have held everyone off, and been very alone. I run. I teach my run class. I go to work. I am unhappy. 

Maybe its the time of year. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's me not being able to see my accomplishments. Maybe it's me only being able to see what I do not have. 

So now, I need to remember what I can do. I can run a half. I have completed 3 races so far. By the end of April, I will have completed 5. And at the end of May, a mere 3 weeks after turning 44, I will do my first marathon. 

I now, after yesterday's run, I know I CAN. I Have. I Will. 



Yesterday's run was...pretty freaking awesome. Yes! Spring has sprung. I am not saying the 38km was easy, but it made me feel good. It made me FEEL. I finished with joy in my heart. And a sense of accomplishment. THIS is why i run. Not to beat someone, not to lose weight (while that is a nice benefit). I run because I can. And the spectacle of spring - clear blue skies, greeting other runners, geese chasing each other - and children on the pathways was pure awesome. I need to remember THIS. And not the other stuff.

This run made me realize where I came from. And that in less than seven weeks i am gonna be at the Calgary Marathon with joy and excitement, not fear.


Come What May!