Half Troubled

Woke up Sunday at 4am. I dreamt that I overslept and just as I was running to start my race, i woke up.

Gawd. I hate that. Then I had trouble going back to sleep. In case I slept in.

But at 6ish, i finally woke up for reals, and got ready for the Calgary Police Half. Start Time 8. I left my house at 720. Ran back upstairs as my spibelt with bib attached was on my bed. Gah!  Got it and off I went.

Tried in vain to go to the biffie in the morning, pre-race of course, but my bowels were having no part of it.

Waded thru the crowds to find my friend Jenn waiting for me and within a few moments we were off. Took us about 3 mins to cross the start line.

Nice pace, good banter, great race plan in place to do a PR. And OF COURSE at the 3rd km I gotta GO. Handily enough right at that very moment, i spy a portapotty at a house with mega construction going on. Joy! And even better it wasn't one of those nasty portapottys.

Quickly i finish my business and get back to the race. And have a great few more miles. Then I realize my ipod is set for 5 miles not a halfmara. JESUS TINA!!!! Get with it!!! 


Oh well I figure that It will just continue on and it will all be fine. Give me my music, its all great. And i keep running, in a nice zone.

We hit one of the big hills of the race. This is going downhill. EMS is waiting at the bottom, right by the bridge. And as I wheel on by there are 4 people getting taped. Oh crappy day for them!

I keep going. Then music stops. Full Stop. HUH?? Keep going for a bit...And then my watch beeps. WALK BREAK!! So out i pull my iPod. and re-program for the remainder of the run - 13km, I think. Maths is not my strong suit. Back at it. Its all good.

Really the majority of the race is uneventful. Everytime I sorta lose focus and the FATTY voice pipes in saying, what do you think you are doing This is too ambitious..." I think about early on in the race where the cutest groups of kids- 3 or 4 in a couple miles apart cheered us on along the pathways. Yell and clapping and cheering with outstretched arms for high-fives. Or really low fives, since they were all under 6. "You are awesome!" "Way to go!" "You're even more awesomer!" And, "Rock it sister!". So cute. SO fabulous. So needed!!!

Then comes the hill. The hill we have to go UP to get out of Glenmore Park. Up to the last waterstation. Is that the 14km mark? eek. Closing in!! That hill is, well for lack of better work, an asshole. Yes. A real  assyhill. Gawd a climb and a half. Aint no one running in front of beind. There are random cursers. But then I round the corner to climb some more...and am greeted by bagpipes. Music to my ears. My heart swells. I think of my grandma. She would be proud. She's cheering alongside with my Grandpa, I'm sure. And I bust a move up another 400 metres to the waterstation. Which means 6 km left. Oh! Flat the reast of the way!! Hallelujah. Good thing. My ass hurts. I got some demon in my hip/butt.

Ah, a few more kilometres and I pass the portapotty that I curse (and yet am thankful for). Almost home...the last 2k were good. Felt strong. And was able to almost sprint the last half km.

And i am sure i yelled out  F*CK when I crossed the line and realised I didn't have a PB. WTH? Part of me is happy to have done. Hell...FIVE half maras this year since FEB!!! Yet something is wrong.

Jen keeps saying "Good job" but I shake my head and pout and know I am frustrated and pissy that my time has NOT improved since last August. Yet i know its a good race. I perk up. (Though Jen should have probably kicked me in the ASS).

Jen crossed 4 minutes ahead of me. We are all pretty happy. . Probably cause we are done. And want water. And the bananas that wait us. Oh, and cookies. mmmm. 

I try not to to be disappointed in the time. But i just don't know WHY my time is not dropping in the halfmarathon. But then again I try to tell myself that it is about the distance to help me do the MARATHON. Yet, I just want to have my time reflect where I think it should be. Maybe its nutrition. Maybe its all the running I do, and I am slightly fatigued. Maybe I let this distance mind-f*ck me. I dunno.

So fast forward the past 24 hours. I have waffled. I have toyed with the idea of dropping the marathon and going down to a half. But I have planned this. I am ready to run the mara. I will not do it in 4.5 hours, like I want to, but I'll finish. I will be proud I can do it. And then I will work on a few tweeks, and keep running.

And at some point, I will kick this beast. I will let my mind go and just run.

Less than FOUR weeks 'til the Calgary Marathon. i have some more training to do. And I will be there. With bells on.